Wednesday 2 March 2016
"Help, help" a voice shouts from below.
"I will save you" I say. I am Latte Man ( whoosh whoosh).
"Thank god you where here Latte Man" a lady says
"Your welcome" I respond (vroom vroom) I cycle away.
Hours Later.
Beep beep "Oh no it's Captain Cocoa" I say.
"Wa ha ha ha ha" Cocoa says
"Captain Cocoa We meet again" I state.
" I got a suit, did you notice" he says
" and then Latte Man defeated Captain Cocoa and it was like bam bam boom pew pew. And Latte Man saved the day again.
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Your story is very funny but doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You have too much talking going on in you story than just you talking.
ReplyDeleteYour story is confusing. There are some grammer and punctuation mistakes, and when it is formated like that, it looks like a poem. You might want to fix that.
ReplyDeleteLots of dialogue in your story this week. Be sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers to improve your writing. Also, work on having a balance of dialogue and descriptive lines to help tell your story. Watch out for very simple sentence beginnings. You have many sentences that begin with one, two, and three letter words.
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